At the End of the Day

Organizing big events are becoming second nature to me. Milestones, reunions, centennials, or sesquicentennials: been there; done that. Networking and fundraising, being with bigwigs and the who’s who constitute a part of my life. Surrounded by people all my days have become my comfort zone. I am used to the public eye. A friend corrected another once: “He doesn’t bask in the limelight. He is the limelight!”

It is often good to hear all these. For many, it is their dream. To me, it is just my world. And I dream to be more. More than organizing events. More than being liked. There are so many things in my mind that need expression and articulation. My head feels like a balloon that is about to burst. I have used twitter and facebook updates. But because people know me, they comment on some of these updates — I should not say this because it is unbecoming. The thing is, I am tired of saying what other people want to hear. I am tired of being stereotyped. I am tired of being controlled by the opinion of others. I am tired of being watched every single step, every single word.

But in the end, I know that I used tweets because I dream of being with someone who could listen to what I say, whatever it is, whenever I can. Of course, not right away, but some time or some immediate day. Not “see you around” and you don’t know when that will be. Not texting and waiting for a reply that takes forever. Admittedly, some friendships are not real, despite desperately denying it. They are, in reality, virtual friends. Like textmates or facebook contacts. They are friends in the second best category, because nothing beats face-to-face relationships.

What I am saying is simple. The guy that basks in the limelight dreams of having some private and intimate life. But would also like to introduce that person to the whole world.